The ‘Horror Theater of the Mind’
Those of you that have read my blogs, worked with me or have been clients, have heard me talk about ‘the horror theater of the mind’. It’s that voice in your head that plays out all the bad things you believe could happen. This is anxiety.
One of my mentors brought up that turn of phrase a lot. He has been counseling people for over 30 years and said it’s prevalent in a large percentage of people he counsels. Leaders are no exception.
So, what did my mentor mean exactly by ‘the horror theater of the mind’? He meant that for many people, when they think about possible outcomes of business and/or personal situations…their mind will almost always go to the worst-case scenario.
He was describing anxiety. Anxiety can be defined as a feeling of fear, dread, and uneasiness.
This is no different for leaders. Leaders can have even greater anxiety then individual contributors because they worry about their own work and they worry about the work of their team.
So even though they want to be seen outwardly as stoic, calm, and cool…a lot of times leaders are overwhelmed with anxiety underneath those calm exteriors. This can be especially true if they are high achievers with high expectations for themselves.
This is absolutely not a sign of weakness. It’s a natural defense mechanism for people to help them accept that bad outcomes could possibly happen, and if they plan for the worst…any good outcome is icing on the cake. Anxiety can help people feel they are protecting themselves.
A lot of times leaders who are very conscientious and take ownership of their jobs, are the ones that deal with the horror theater of the mind the most. They are so worried about doing the right thing for their team and their company that they may obsess over what might go wrong.
It can be a result of previous experiences or it could just be irrational fears that feel very real. It can also be viewed as survival of the fittest, where people believe if they think about every possible bad scenario they can find ways to keep them from actually happening.
Leaders are no different. The belief that top leaders always have everything under control is so off base, it’s ridiculous.
Let’s Talk About the Realities of Anxiety
Many people try to push anxiety out of their mind or try to force their way through it. Let’s be honest…that’s what a lot of us were taught from a young age. Then when we got into the working world, it was a no-no to let people see you sweat. Especially for leaders.
Too much anxiety, specifically anxiety that is not used constructively, can sap your energy, make you more reactive, cause you to make poor decisions, and debilitate you.
Anxiety can be irrational and not based on real factors. You are human and humans think irrationally all the time. Especially when under a lot of pressure.
Headline: The majority of bad outcomes people worry about within “the horror theater of the mind” don’t ever actually happen. Think about the many times in your life you had fears that something was going to go horribly wrong but it never did.
If you are cynical, a pessimist or just consider yourself a realist, you are probably thinking this is a bunch of BS. I know I have predicted things would go wrong and they did. Well, of course!
Ever heard of the self-fulfilling prophecy and the law of averages? If you think enough things will go bad, something eventually will. And if you go into situations assuming things will go wrong, you can actually make it happen.
Leaders can’t afford to think this way. It’s unproductive, ineffective, and downright depressing!
What Can Leaders do to Better Deal with Their Anxiety?
Readers of my blogs have heard me promote increasing your EQ (Emotional Quotient/Intelligence). Part of having a high EQ is the ability to see and understand your emotions when they occur and how to use that to your benefit.
You have to be willing to consciously and intentionally acknowledge anxiety. Address it when it happens. Don’t ignore it and/or just keep pushing through it. Constantly obsessing about your anxiety or doing the opposite and ignoring it, is just not sustainable over the long term.
You need to accept the idea that you will experience anxiety. The big difference is, instead of wallowing in the anxiety, you acknowledge it. You accept it, but you disengage yourself from it.
This is an approach that has been proven through years of research and is a big aspect of mindfulness/mediation. The idea is…if you observe it, identify it, and watch it as an outside bystander…it reduces your attachment to it.
An approach commonly used in meditation is visualizing that you are imagining your anxiety as a car or train that is just traveling past you. You are observing it, as opposed to feeling emersed in it. You watched it go by from a safe distance but it’s gone now and you move on.
This helps you keep a healthier perspective on the anxiety, so it doesn’t own you. You can acknowledge it but it doesn’t permeate your decision making, judgement and attitude.
Control What You Can Control
One of the things that causes leaders so much anxiety is the feeling that they have no control over so many stressful things in their work. The fact of the matter is that is true. In this chaotic world there seems to be so much strife and tension in the work place that mirrors society.
Anxiety and stress are a fact of life but it is how you respond that determines how much it takes over your life or doesn’t.
Here’s some quick tips on things you can do immediately to reduce your anxiety:
- Stop trying to control things you can’t. You are wasting time and energy. Like trying to control other people’s behavior, the stock market, the weather, etc.
- Learn how to better handle things that are out of your control:
- Stop reading and listening to things that cause you anxiety
- Avoid negative people and influences
- Identify when and how the anxiety hits you. Acknowledge it but don’t react to it
- Take an intentional approach to your day so you feel some sense of control
- Plan your day and week out
- Take small actions daily to feel a sense of accomplishment
- Lower the expectations on yourself. Perfection is not attainable
- Have a support system in place that provides you a safe haven on a regular basis
- Balance your work with play, relaxation and rest:
- Family time
- Mindfulness practice
- Exercise
- Hobbies
- Good night’s sleep
One thing leaders need to remember, is just because they are a leader does not mean they should tough it out and just let anxiety constantly consume them. That is not healthy and that will eventually affect every facet of your work and home life.
Remember you are human and need to make an intentional effort to address your anxiety and deal with it in a healthy way. It is important to manage your self-care. Don’t forget to put time aside each day for yourself.
